Our Currency

If anyone ever asks me why my kids are so well-behaved (no one has ever asked me that, but I know it's on every one's mind), I will tell them about a little system I came up with last year.

As any parent of school-aged children knows, having the kids home full-time after they're in school for nine months is quite an adjustment. The lack of schedule, lack of constant friendship and lack of independence from mommy is often too much to handle all at once. For the kids and for the parent. The first week of summer 2008 was terrible for all of us. Bubby and Sissy, excited to have a break from kindergarten and preschool, expected to rule the roost the instant school was over. I was excited for the chance to sleep in and happy to have everyone home for a while. Within an hour of the start of summer vacation, we were all sorely disappointed.

There were fights, backtalk, disobedience, and that was just on my part. Between the kids, there were shouting matches, whining, refusal to eat anything healthy, and complete and utter boredom that could only be remedied with hours in front of the TV. I had all I could take one morning when after only two minutes in the shower, I was startled by Bubby's screams.

"She broke my nose!!!" he cried.

"WHAT?! I was away from you for TWO MINUTES!" I tore out of the shower and grabbed a towel in one motion.

Blood was everywhere and Sissy was hiding. Bubby's side of the story was that Sissy threw the remote control at him while he was being good on the couch. She said that he wouldn't let her watch her show and he was making fun of her red hair (he has red hair too, but whatever).

After we cleaned up the blood on Bubby and the carpet (his nose was not broken, by the way), I sent them to their rooms so I could think.

I mulled over my options. I could start spanking them on a regular basis for every infraction. I could take away everything and make them (and me) live in misery for the entire summer. Or I could be creative and think of some way to reward them for good behavior, keep them from spending hours in front of the TV, but also provide entertainment so they weren't always bored.

And the Mom Bucks System was born.

Mom Bucks is just a fancy name for pieces of paper that I wrote the words "Mom Bucks" on. Each of them started the week with 15 Mom Bucks. Every 30 minutes of screen time (computer, video games, TV) cost a Mom Buck. Every argument, disrespectful behavior, unkind word or other action that warranted discipline also cost a Mom Buck. They could also redeem their currency for prizes like an extra treat after dinner, staying up 15 minutes past bedtime or getting out of one chore for free.

To earn extra Mom Bucks, they could read four books in one day, learn an extra Bible verse, be especially kind to their siblings or parents and have a good attitude all day long. Potentially, they could earn up to 4 more Mom Bucks per day. This was obviously not very motivating as they never strived to earn the extra bucks. But oh well.

I had a feeling this system would work because it meshed perfectly with their personalities. Bubby loves to please me and being rewarded for doing so was just icing on the cake. Sissy is a shopper like me, so she was constantly looking for ways to spend her Mom Bucks. "Can I give you a Mom Buck so I can play with my Barbies?" she asked one day. "No sweetie," I replied. "You can play with your Barbies for free." So she spent a lot of Mom Bucks on extra treats.

When I started grieving over the summer, I took a hiatus from parenting for a while. I'm ashamed to admit that it was a free-for-all for at least a month. But when I saw how the lack of structure and rules was impacting the kids' attitudes, stomachs and relationship with me and each other, I reinstated the program. I dread the day when they realize Mom Bucks aren't really worth anything.

What I've found in all these years of parenting is that no one method has worked completely for us. I have tried it all, from time outs to spankings to toy and treat deprivation to grounding and was always left feeling inadequate or inept in my parenting skills. The one-size-fits-all approach never worked (especially in the difficult toddler years). I wished I could be like those parents who were strict from the beginning and only had to say one word to get their children to obey. However, as a new mom, I often struggled with finding a balance between being a dicator and being spineless. I was inconsistent and couldn't find an in-between.

Eventually, I realized that God made each kid different, and I learned to tailor my discipline to their needs. To do this, I also had to let go of my friends' and family members' expectations of what we should be doing. Bubby is much more strong-willed and often requires more lengthy discipline like groundings. Sometimes even the Mom Bucks don't work for him. Sissy is a softie. If we even look at her the wrong way, she hangs her head in shame and silently weeps in repentance. She usually only needs a stern warning.

But they both love to be rewarded and I always try to remind them that they're precious to God and to me. On top of all that, they get lots of hugs and kisses and band-aids for their invisible boo-boos. They don't always (or ever, really) obey the first time every time, but I can relate. My Heavenly Father knows how much I struggle with obedience too. So we just keep working at it and pray that Chancho will be a little easier because we have a lot more experience.

Maybe some day I'll tell you about the Wife Bucks. ;)